Pastor Claude Thomas, Child Adoption Help

Author: Pastor Claude Thomas

A little boy went to church services one Sunday in response to the encouragement of some friends from school. The little fellow was feeling insecure since “church” was out of his comfort zone. But he also felt a little excited because he really did like the idea of going to “Sunday School” and “church” with some friends. But something happened that fateful morning the shaped his attitude about “church people” for many years to come. He was scarred by the experience.
What happened? Well, he did not dress like the other people at church that Sunday. You see, it was still the time when people, even little boys, wore special dress clothes to church. All the little fellow had was a pair of clean blue jeans and a clean polo shirt. And he wore them. And guess what happened. One of the “churchy” teachers scolded the little fellow for not “dressing up” to come to church.
How did he feel? Terrible! Rejected! And less than the “other children.” How did he respond? Well, he never returned to that church. And he did not attend church as a child or teen-ager. It was not until he was an adult he went to church again. The occasion? A funeral of a friend!
That is sad… and so unlike Jesus. He loves all of us. And we do not have to “dress up” to gain His attention or love. He loves us unconditionally. He desires to have a relationship with us… regardless of who we are and where we have been.
Contemplate these true words from Scripture: God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. (1 John 4:9-11 NLT)
Consider how you and I have been loved by God and let us show that same kind of love to others.

By Pastor Claude Thomas
We celebrate the “firsts” in our children’s lives? Remember the “first word” or the “first day at school” or the “first date” or…well you know. Those were special for us and we celebrated each “first” in the lives of our children. Why? They were steps of progress in the process of growing into adulthood… and we celebrate that growth.
There is not a time in life that we should stop growing. So, we should be celebrating each step of growth in our lives. There is never a time to stop.
When David, the great king of Israel, sat back on his reputation, stopped growing towards God’s best for Him, guess what? We find him out on a balcony in the cool of the evening looking on Bathsheba, another man’s wife, while she bathed. Then, he basically murdered Bathsheba’s husband, then he married Bathsheba—bad deal.
The consequences of stalling the growth progress in our lives are not likely to have the disastrous results they did in David’s life but there are consequences when we stop growing. Stagnancy set in. Boredom becomes bothersome. Depression drains us. Cynicism can consume us. And the lack of passion for life can characterize us.
So, continual growth is essential for us. You may be thinking we grow in leaps and bounds in the crises of life. In other words, there are times in life when we get an “adrenaline shot” that motivates us to the next level. Some call these times “new year resolution.” Some call these “near death experiences.” But whatever the situation, we think these “adrenaline shots” are the only times for growing. Not true.
Growth is a continual process that we should never stop! When we stop growing, we start dying.
Here are some guidelines concerning growth as a process:
Make Growth a lifetime goal…that takes obedience.
Make Growth a continual process… that takes an understanding.
Make Growth a lifetime discipline… that takes determination.
Start from the Inside Out…be biblically guided. Grow within first. Most fail to be their best because of inner issues. Our spiritual growth affects all other growth in life. So, make spiritual/inner growth the first priority.
Start early…as a young person, begin now and you will have an advantage.
Start small…do something you can do and move to something more. Remember a small plan will make a big difference. Most people have no growth plan at all.
Start now…A. Lincoln said, “I will get ready and then perhaps my chance will come.” Start wherever you are in life to make your spiritual and personal growth a priority.

Author: Michael Russell
The first thing you need to know and believe is that adoption is possible. This must be a strong belief because adoption is a process. It can seem complicated, time consuming and frustrating. Although each year the process becomes a little bit easier because of the many resources available to help prospective adoptive parents learn about adoption.

You will hear many horror stories and myths like adopted children are troubled. There is absolutely no truth that adopted children have more problems than birth children. Parenting is more about bonding, love and trust than about biology. In fact some parents who adopt a child may be more successful than parents that are able to have biological children. This is due to the fact that the adopted parents have made a decision to bring a child into their life which is not always the case with biological families. Also, biological parents may have children for the wrong reasons. They may have children to continue the family name or to please members of the family. This is where life can be unfair.

An adoptive couple must go through a process and be screened to see if they will be good parents. This can cause frustration to many adoptive parents as their whole life is scrutinized to see if they will be approved to adopt a child. Meanwhile there are no requirements for biological parents before they become parents. In fact the unfairness of it all can be boiled down to one question that is asked of the adopted parents. Why do you want to become parents? Most adoption agencies want to hear from prospective adoptive parents that their main reason for wanting a child is a general liking of children. Meanwhile the answers that come from biological parents range from: I don’t know, a general liking of children, to continue the family name, or to please other people in the family.

The process of adoption gives adoptive parents time to consider why they want children. This is another difference between biological parents and adoptive parents. There is no doubt that adopting a child will bring different stresses than parents who have the opportunity to form families by birth, but the extra stresses do not mean extra problems.

The process begins with asking questions. What is important to you when thinking about adopting a child? Do you want a boy or a girl? Do you want an infant or an older child? Would you consider a special needs child? Do you realize some of the difficulties that may arise when raising a child? Then you must also consider your lifestyle now and how a child will fit into that lifestyle. Couples who have waited a long time to have a child may have formed friendships with other couples who do not have children. They must realize that their entire life will change as their child will have to come first. This will definitely be a new experience. There will be times when it is convenient to have a child and other times when it is not so convenient. .

Let’s say that you have now have answered these questions and want to go forward and adopt a child. The next question is to find out what your options are. At this point you would need to read about adoption in general. You would need to find out what types of children are available to adopt and what are the different ways you could adopt. Some of the options are support groups, state adoption specialists, and information packets from the state that you live in. Once you have contacted an agency to help the first thing that will happen is a home study. A home study consists of gathering information about the prospective adoptive couple including educating the couple, preparing them for adoption, and interviewing the couple. This process can take from 2 months to 10 months, depending upon the particular agency. This is due to different training requirements and waiting lists for individual agencies. It is important to study the requirements for your state because that will determine the requirements that all adoptive parents must meet before being considered as adoptive parents.

As soon as the home study is finished it is time to start the placement process. At this time a child will be chosen who may fit in with the family. The time it will take to adopt a child at this point will of course vary. This depends on the type of adoption that is being considered. For example, a private adoption will require a lawyer. If an agency is being used the family may be one of many families that is picked by the expectant parents. Then there is a foster care adoption. This type of adoption gives the family information about a number of children who are waiting for a good home. It may also provide an opportunity to get to know the child before they are placed with a family because these children are allowed to receive visits from prospective parents. Also, if a child is taken into the home as a foster child, generally the family will be able to adopt the child once the child is available for adoption. Finally, there is international adoption. At this point the family may receive a referral. A referral is a child that is waiting to be adopted internationally. The referral will contain information about the child and give the prospective parents a chance to learn about one specific child. Generally, the parents are asked to read the information and wait 24 hours before making a decision. Also, all adoptions must be finalized in court.

The last and most important step is when a child is adopted. Now the work and rewards begin. It is time to parent the child. Many families may need support during the first year. It can take 6 months to a year for a child to become comfortable in a new home. Many times adopted children are passed from one home to another and have no security in their lives. Generally all of these children will go through two stages. The first is the honeymoon phase where the children do not seem to present many problems. The second is the testing phase where children will do things to anger the parents to see if they will be rejected once again. Slowly, the family will become more cohesive. The children will relax and be able to let their guard down and become children. Then, one day out of the blue the child will express his love to the parents and that is when the rewards really begin.

Author: Adoz Lizzat
A mummy! A daddy! The belief that all children are entitled to a family! The belief that all who want to be parents will excel at the life-long process involved! These beliefs, cherished by all cultures, are the foundation for adoption. Yet, in reality, society doesn’t always wholeheartedly support an adopted child or those who create a home for it. Adoption occurs when biological parents, who are usually also the legal parents, transfer over complete and permanent rights and obligations to raising a child. These legal parents usually freely choose adoption and willingly sign the necessary consent forms.
However, when a child has been subjected to abuse or neglect, or even abandoned, the courts may order that the child be ‘put out for adoption.’In the court-ordered cases, the child usually remains in a foster home until he is about six or seven years old before being placed for adoption. The differences between adoption and foster homes are reflected in the permanence of adoption.

Foster homes are always considered temporary, and foster parents have no legal rights as to the long-term care of the child, even if the courts order the child returned to an abusive environment. A child may have many sets of foster parents over the years; adoptive parents are technically there for the lifetime of the child.
Many myths abound about the mental, emotional and physical well-being of an adopted child, and that’s exactly what 99% are: only myths. The ‘poor little adopted child’ in reality is usually a well-fed, loved, delightful child who has been given opportunities that exceed what many ‘non-adopted’ children receive. The adopted child has been spared from living under circumstances where he is not wanted, or where, although wanted, the parents couldn’t take care of him.

The challenges come more from the reactions of society than from the home circumstances. In our society today outsiders still sometimes rudely ask a child born in a different country,“What are you?” (referring to their race). When a white-skinned person adopts an African American child many in society still look on with a frown at the grocery store. Another myth is that the adopted child will always feel ‘rejected,’ yet that word ‘always’ should be watched. Most psychologists and social workers have come to understand that a person raised in its biological home is just as apt to feel rejected as an adopted child. It all depends on the circumstances and how much bonding and love and attention is experienced.

Growing up to be a responsible adult is a challenge for people raised under any circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to be responsible and make excuses about how they were raised. For those people, if they were adopted, that is a convenient excuse, although usually it is not an accurate representation. Curiosity is part of human nature. For those who are adopted, it is natural to wonder who their biological parents were and what became of them. The love they feel for those who have raised them does not diminish by this curiosity. And, it is natural for the biological parents to wonder what became of their baby or child.
Yet, for all concerned, the past is like a cancelled check you can’t keep spending it. Whether adopted or not, here and now is where we are living! How fortunate we are that adoption exists so dreams of being part of a family can be a delightful reality for all.

Author: Stephen s Morgan
Opportunities are available for people to be able to adopt babies, children and older children; you just need to know where to look and to whom the correct people are to talk to. By this we mean, the correct Local, Private or Governmental Agencies. If at all possible, try and learn as much as you can about the child you are trying to adopt – this might not be that possible and if it appears impossible then ask yourself why?
There may be a reason for this and sadly or tragically, you may want to reconsider your position on this if the correct answers to the pertinent questions aren’t forthcoming. At the end of the day, sometimes a leap of faith is required should you feel suitably motivated. International Adoption is not easy. If you can (and you should), avoid telling any other members of your extended family everything you know about your child’s background – something’s a child likes to keep private and especially any negative experiences should be shared when the child feels the time is right and is comfortable.
At all times do not keep the fact that they are adopted secret from your child. Openly admit that they have been adopted and that it was your love and desire for them to join your family that prompted this decision and share this information as and when they are ready to understand this. Mention that sadly their parents weren’t able on this occasion to be able to care for them but that you were. A lot of adopted children grow up to be successful and happy adults. Some even go on to be world leaders in their chosen field.
Others are just plain good nice people and the world needs lots of these. Being adopted can affect children sometimes but it is important to remember that at all times these children are just that, children and remember to give them lots of love and understanding and with that you can help then gain their true potential.

Nobody is perfect, neither you nor your child. Sometimes perfection is just too impossible to achieve and so don’t try. Try to create a positive environment and try to use positive language such as birth mother instead of real mother. Remember also that it does take time to change people’s attitudes.

If your adult child decides he or she wishes to try and find their birth parent, this doesn’t automatically mean that you have failed them in any way, they need your support. You were there for them when they needed it most and this will always be remembered.

The one thing you must always do is to ignore those who tell you that adoption is in anyway substandard to biological parenting. If they have never tried adopting someone, how would they know?